So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
