checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
