Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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