Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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