I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
