Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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