he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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