You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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