last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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