I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize