Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Two words: blizzard sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize