I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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