your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
