I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
