glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
