You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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