it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
