Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
