I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize