Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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