When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
