Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
