I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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