you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
