Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
