When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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