When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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