Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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