I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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