do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
