waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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