did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
where are my eyebrows?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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