Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize