so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
