saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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