You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
