I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
