508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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