It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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