This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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