Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize