Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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