I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
