It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize