we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize