So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize