If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
