that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
