I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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