I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
