you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
