You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
