the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
