Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
