Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
