I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
