I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Randomize