pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
