You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
