i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
