Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
