She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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