i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let's get the cat blown out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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