none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
