I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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