if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
