He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
