He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
