FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
