she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
