I wish I only lived at night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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