I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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