First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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