gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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