i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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