I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
