Non-Jews are for practice
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
