Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize